What is the definition of making a change? I simply see it as believing something that can be made different with action. Maybe not better, maybe not worse. Different. As I set out to change anything it is usualy with the intention of making it better. Having just hit a milestone of turning 40 I have reflected alot the past few weeks on what I want to see changed. There are a ton of insignificant things around me that can be better. Covering up the grays in my hair, starting my running program again, getting back to a "normal" routine of sleep at night. All of those things would make me happier and make life easier but when I think about what I really want changed I think in the large scope.
I want to be a terrific mother and wife. My children deserve 100% of me and I want to give them that. I want to become a more patient person. Results are my drive and I like the word "INSTANT." I think God has a way of teaching us the things we so desire in the most out of text ways. Having never been a patient person in my 34th year God began the years long education in patience with me. It was when I was 34 that Matthew first got sick. It is amazing what traits you can find in the depths of your soul when you so need them. For anyone that has endured medicine in any fashion, whether a patient or provider, you know that not very much is instant. Lots of waiting. During those times of waiting I feel like I became closer to God in my conversations. Often times the only thing I could do was talk to God. I don't know that I did a lot of talking. I did more questioning. I wanted some answers as to why this was happening. But this goes back to that lesson in patience he was trying to teach me. Here I was still trying to get that instant answer so I could find a way to make it better, and God was still trying to teach me patience in waiting for the answers to come in the right time.
One day I finally put my hands up and said OK, you win! I will wait to for the answers to come in the way you so desire and put it all in His hands from then on. This was extremely hard for me to do being that I love to make sure I have control of a situation. Not for a power trip but for the safest outcome for those that I love. But at the ripe old age of 34 I finally understood the words give it all to God! There are some things that I just don't think I can carry the burden of all by myself. Not even with the help of my wonderful husband. There are just some things that are bigger than us.
During the nearly 6 years that we have been on this journey of illness, hurt, and hope with Matthew I have learned so much. I have learned to truly put meaning on the things that matter and what is important. It is not the car we drive or the clothes we wear. It is the deeper more significant things in this life that are important. I hope and pray that my legacy in years to come is the children I am raising and the good I try to give back to the world. I have so much to be thankful for and I hope to continue to repay this through the education and advocacy work I continue to do.
What is making a change to me? It is seeing positive changes continue to come in health care for the well being of all pediatric patients. Every child should have routine blood pressure screens beginning at age 3. KYKN.....KNOW YOUR KID'S NUMBERS! Do it for Matthew!